PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
MIDGETS
????
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
