If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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