i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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