I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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