I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
