He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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