I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
