There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
