You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
