Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
