He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
