Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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