You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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