I wish I only lived at night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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