angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
