I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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