On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
