i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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