i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
