So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
