Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
