he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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