cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
