Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
