I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
