I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
