I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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