I feel like abortions should bother me more
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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