dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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