She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize