the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You don't make any sense
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