I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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