Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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