Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
