i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Too much gin, very little bucket
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
