she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
