wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
