So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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