so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize