just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
