Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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