His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize