Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
