Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
