I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
