I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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