wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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