oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
