Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
