Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
