she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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