so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
