my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
two words: eviction party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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