After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
