I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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