dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
