Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
