At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
