I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
