she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
