God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize