it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
