he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
