Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
