you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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