yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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