Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
