I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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