btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
