idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
