I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
